Deep Thoughts On Dissatisfaction

So today the pastor at my church spoke from Colossians 3 about how we have struggles with dissatisfaction and hostility. It's funny because he started the lesson talking about how appropriate it was to talk about these topics at this time of year. We're all focused on what gifts to get and give like that will fill us up. More often than not, holiday meals turn into strained nerves and cutting words. Definitely a timely message.
One thing that stood out to me in trying to make personal application (something I don't often do well): I have tried to fill up the void in my life with many substitutes.

So often I let my desire for intimacy and relationship be filled with sorry excuses for what I really crave. I have let one night stands or "messing around" or manufactured relationships with bad matches or settling for who is there even if I know it's not right or pornography or chatting with strangers online replace waiting for what God would fill that void with if I was patient. In my heart of hearts I know there is something better in store for me, but it's hard to wait. My dissatisfaction with my current situation takes over and allows me to settle for less. I'm always left feeling empty after substitutes, kind of like a dessert made with splenda, it's just not right.

I also realize that my desire for more money and things comes from my desire for security. I want to manufacture security on my own, but that is impossible. I need to trust God as the source of what I need and let that be enough. Unfortunately, I am usually dissatisfied with God being enough, even though I wish that weren't the case.

This whole adult God thing isn't very easy for me. I want to fix the voids in my heart on my own. I'm starting to learn, sadly the hard way, that I'm not very good at it. Even more, it's not my job in the first place. Maybe one day I'll learn to let God do His job, and I'll focus on just loving those I come into contact with every day.