Listening

It's amazing how few people cultivate the art of listening. In some ways, I think it's what seperates truly great friends from those that just talk pleasantries. A good listener knows what questions to ask and then get out of the way. Most people love to talk about themselves, but a good friend will care just as much about hearing about you as they do sharing about them. I recently was catching up with someone I hadn't talked with in quite a while, and they asked me one question in 45 minutes while they talked about themselves the rest of the time. Earlier that night, I have a friend who opened her home to me, knew that I was having a rough time, and just let me pour out my heart. She shared herself with me as well, but she was the perfect listener, empathetically soaking in every word. Just being really heard and cared for was more important than any advice I might have received. What a contrast between the two, and the main difference in the conversations was the way they listened. I guess a lot of it comes down to how much you care about the other person versus how much you care mainly about yourself. I'm lucky to have people in my life that care deeply about me, and I just hope to be the kind of man that really listens to those I care about deeply. How good a listener are you?

The Single Stand

The world is for couples, or so they seem to think. Paired off all too often in a warm cashmiere coat of pseudo-happiness, those in relationships scoff, pity, or want to "fix-up" those who are single. They are unwilling to admit that many of them have settled for less, are miserable and desparate, or have completely lost themselves in the other person so much that they can only make half a decision on their own. They will cling to abusive husbands, nagging wives, lazy boyfriends, frigid girlfriends because the thought of being alone is unacceptable. For them, being single equals being unsettled, like your life is on pause until your next relationship comes along. Alone means sad, lonely, and left with too much time for thinking about oneself. They define themselves in terms of other people. They also find queer those who are in no hurry to be paired off. They immediately wrack their brains to find some other helpless single soul to force-fit together, add water, and create fairytale roamance for any single they encounter. This annoys me. It annoys me not because I am jaded or against relationships. Quite to the contrary, I am a complete romantic and would love to find "the one" someday. What annoys me is that I'm not in a hurry, and I'm no less a person alone than I am in a relationship. For that matter, I'm far from alone - having dear friends and family all over the country. I don't feel like half a man because I am single, I'm no lonely soul wandering the streets hopeless and unloved. I don't need a relationship even though I may want one. And I loathe being pitied by waspy church busybodies who have watched too much Fiddler on the Roof and theink their God-ordained hobby is to play Matchmaker. When I'm healthy and ready on the inside, love will find me - I firmly believe that. Until then, quity trying to fix me, I'm not a broken single.